I’ve decided that the best way to communicate my experience is to meld the present with the past.
Today I have direction with this blog thing. I had intended to piece together my previous notes and journal entries into one cohesive flow of story, but when I got sabotaged by technology a couple of days ago (note to self: SAVE DRAFT!) I had to take a breather and compose myself enough to restart. Well, that’s how creative writing goes – you don’t have perfection in one sitting.
So I’ll approach this as a look back in the not too distant past along with a brief glimpse at my present state.
Good Friday, April 3, 2015
So after a profoundly long rehearsal Thursday evening, I got through the two services tonight. One incident stands out – I was coming down the stairs on stage right, a little too carefully as my band mate looked up in shock at how slowly I was moving and noting how heavily I leaned on the hand rail. He asked if everything was ok, and I said it’s probably because I had just reached 5 miles the day before (I was training for my first half marathon) and was a little sore, though I really wasn’t for some reason.
And then there were the headaches.
Excruciating is the only word to adequately describe the hot lava agony that has woken me from sleep for the last three days. It erupts from the top of my head and cascades down the sides of my skull in pulsating rivulets of pain. This could be a side effect from the antibiotics I’m on so guess I must put up with it for another week. Too bad – I’m almost afraid to fall asleep, it’s so awful.
On Easter Sunday of this year, I went to the emergency room of Royal Oak Beaumont after suffering through 3 days of severe headaches and finally loss of motor control of my right leg. It turns out I had a meningioma – a benign brain tumor that was affecting the left part of my frontal lobe, which explained my inability to speak clearly even though the thoughts were untampered with in my head.
After what many thought was a miraculous recovery, I decided to start a blog instead of the Oatmeal inspired graphic novel I was planning (yes, the pain and anti-seizure medications were to blame for these lofty goals, I admit that now). Despite having the whole outline completed, the illustrator decided on and an editor in place, I thought this was a lot easier and faster to get out to the people searching for answers regarding impending brain surgery.
I’m also doing this out of gratitude for the person who offered 20 things to expect after brain surgery. My husband found it online after madly searching for anything that could prepare him for the craniotomy to come. Needless to say, the many posts did scare the bejeezus out of him (there were many unknowns at the time) but it did help me a lot. It also pointed out that there weren’t a lot of sources for a frightened spouse to find as far as this topic goes – or further proof that the internet is a poor source of comfort when it comes to medical emergencies (but don’t we all know that before we go to WebMD with a symptom?)
ITAT is an act of purging, really, as well as sharing my experiences with the brain surgery community – a club I never meant to be a part of, but you never know what’s just around the corner. You just don’t.